How to lose your authenticy. Make what other people think matter!

We manage what others think in so many ways! And if you think you don't, read on.

Did you style your hair this morning? Do your clothes co-ordinate? Are you starving yourself to ensure you have a beach body when on holiday?

That really is the tip of the proverbial iceberg when it comes to managing the opinions of others, and almost everyone is inauthentic in doing it.

The truth is we manage the details of our relationships with others to a granular detail. We have a role that is played for friends, for parents, for our children, for strangers and for our colleagues at work.

But it goes deeper, whilst these are groups of people, we then also manage each and every relationship to the point where we have a vocabulary, points for discussion, things we can't say and a whole identity we must maintain for each specific person in our lives.

As we reflect on this "management" we realise we are speaking from a script for everyone, and everyone has a different script. The script is a collection of ideas used to interact with people in the way we believe they expect us to, without causing offense and to maintain who we think they think we are.

Some people can tolerate swearing, others can't. Some will talk sex, others won't, some like specific conversation topics and others will care how you look, what you drive and who you're with.

The parts we jugghle come with a real depth and complexity. We buy things, wear things, drive things, say things and do things to manage what other people think in all different situations.

What a lot of ideas and plates to spin! But here's where it get's even more interesting. We also play a part for ourselves and have things we won't even allow the voice in our head to say, just in case things change or go wrong, or we get found out.

This means that we are never actually authentic. Every thought, word, action, reaction and behaviour is being driven and curated by different sets of ideas, accumulated and stored earlier. None of them are the true self, all are beliefs that create a multi-dimensional personality disorder.

We become our true self, only in absence of ideas and beliefs!